You Might Be Judoka If...

By Neil Ohlenkamp

1. you think learning to fall helps you learn to throw people.
2. you see someone taking a bad fall off his bike, and the first word that pops into your head is "ippon!"
3. every time you see a big open space you have to restrain yourself from doing ukemi for no apparent reason.
4. when you see some big guy walking down the street you plan how to throw him on his back and then armlock him.
5. you secretely wish that some untrained, unarmed, and unaccompanied robber would come and attempt to rob you.
6. your girlfriend thinks you're a freak because you have callouses on the back of your fingers from doing judo grips.
7. you instinctively bridge and roll whenever you wake up from a nightmare.
8. you're teaching your kid to ride a bike and start off with ukemi drills!
9. you get into bed with a forward roll.
10. a shirtless attacker becomes your worst nightmare.
11. you choose your dates by how well they look in a Judogi.
12. you spend more time on top of your friends than your girlfriend.
13. you say "you should see this new technique I learned" and all of a sudden you're the only one in the room.
14. you keep having this dream about your mother-in-law reversing your best choke.
15. your dog shakes hands with everyone but you.
16. when you are sawing wood or hammering nails you consider it uchikomi.
17. you can take your child to practice because you're in the same class.

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