We Ain't Cool on How to Win a Fight

Hilarious! You've got to readthis advice on defending yourself in a confrontation with a bad dude. Please keep in mind this is in contrast to some serious advice here. However, if you ever choose to come man-handle me, please follow this We Ain't Cool (closed) advice! Enjoy How to Win A Fight By - Jacky

Every guy wishes he was tough. Some guys are, most are not. Often people come up to me and say: "Damn Blake I'm such a wussypants and I need to learn how to fight, do you have any tips to help me out?" Now I don't condone fighting, but sometimes fisticuffs will arise, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do and TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS. So, I have come up with this handy guide on how to win a fight,just to help those people out. Just because I'm such a nice guy. If you follow these steps, you can rest assured that you will have the proper skills necessary to win any dicey situation you find yourself in. For simplicity, I am gearing this more towards a male reader... if you are female, just substitue 'he' for 'she'.

1. First point, remember try to look as cool as possible.

The main point of being in a fight isn't to pummel the other guy into oblivion. NO! It's about making yourself look cool. Always remember to try and say things that will make you seem cooler than you actually, before and during the fight. As an example, if you are jawing with a guy just before the fight breaks out, it might be a good idea to say "I gotta listen to my mamma, cuz MAMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!" Win or lose, you still look cool after you say something like that. Keep this point in mind while you read the rest of this guide.

2. Practice intimidation

The best way to win a fight is to make the other guy back down before the fight even starts. So what you should do is try to pan out the scenario like this:

You : Before I make you cry for mamma, I want you to meet two buddies of mine.

**Holding up right fist.** This here is TANK. **Holding up left fist.** And this here is HAMMER. And when I start throwing 'em around, they're bound leave one hell of a mess. WOOOEEE!

Him : Please, I want no part of you, Tank, or Hammer, I'm your bitch!

And its just as simple as that.

3. Grab the nearest metal folding chair.

Grab the nearest metal folding chair you see and smash him over the head with it. From years of watching wrestling, I know that you can't lose with this one. Just grab the nearest chair, bring it back over your head, and then bring it down full force over his skull (See Figure 1). Chances are he will go down. If he doesn't go down, simply hit him with it again until he does go down. Then for dramatic effect, pick him up and and body slam him through a collapsable table.

The rest is here. :-D